


The Lion and the List

by SandraSempra, thewaterfalcon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Pansy is mean, Ron is cute, Texting, text fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-02-08 18:07:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12870117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SandraSempra/pseuds/SandraSempra, https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewaterfalcon/pseuds/thewaterfalcon
Summary: In which Ron doesn't appreciate Pansy's list, but does appreciate her stockings...





	The Lion and the List

**Author's Note:**

> Pansy - thewaterfalcon  
> Ron - SandraSempra
> 
>  
> 
> This is what happens when thewaterfalcon has writer's block and SandraSempra offers to help...

 

* * *

 

 

Ron Weasley: Three Broomsticks later?  A group of us are getting together for some drinks and I need my girl on my arm ;)

 

Pansy Parkinson: I’m sorry, who is this?

 

Ron Weasley: Pansy.. Its me. Your luscious lion? The ginger in your tea?

 

[ _Ron Weasley_ changed his nickname to  Luscious Lion  ]

 

Pansy Parkinson: Is this a joke? I’m very busy and important you know.

 

Luscious Lion: Not too busy for the Three Broomsticks later I hope.

 

[ _Luscious Lion_ changed Pansy Parkinson’s nickname to  Princess Pansy  ]

 

Princess Pansy: I’m not going anywhere with some random stranger.

 

Luscious Lion: Who’s joking now… I know you know who this is.   

 

Princess Pansy: Nope, haven’t a clue… goodbye.

  
  
Princess Pansy: Ugh, Weasley I don’t want to spend time with you...in public!

 

Luscious Lion: Ouch.

 

Princess Pansy: Did the ginger tea burn you? That was an atrocious line, by the way.  

 

Luscious Lion: I thought you would like the ginger reference.. Seeing how you had one buried in you recently.

 

Princess Pansy: You are horribly crass, do you know that?

 

Luscious Lion: You misspelled charming.

 

Luscious Lion: Just come with me. Why is the thought of being seen in public with me so terrible?

 

Princess Pansy: Number one: your dress sense. Number two: the clingy way you latch yourself around me. Number three: your hair literally stops Muggle traffic. It’s embarrassing.

 

Luscious Lion: Okay first of all, I didn’t realise you had an actual list of reasons running. Hurtful, by the way. But it’s frowned upon to arrive naked in public places, which is how i know you prefer me.

 

Luscious Lion: And.. i’m not clingy. Not really. I’m just. I, ya know. Like you. And stuff.

  
  
Princess Pansy: I’d hardly call three things a fully fledged ‘list’, gods, you’re so dramatic. It’s not frowned upon to, you know, buy better clothes, you prick. And ugh! Get those feelings away Weasel!

 

Luscious Lion: You really put the itch in bitch today didn’t you, Parkinson?

 

Princess Pansy: Fucking excuse me?

  
[ _Luscious Lion_ changed Princess Pansy’s nickname to  Itch-in-Bitch  ]

 

Luscious Lion: No, you read that right. Go ahead. Continue your little game. I’ll be at the Three Broomsticks. Drinking in my horrid clothes and stopping traffic.  

 

Itch-in-Bitch: Are you on your fucking period? What the hell, Weasley?!  


Itch-in-Bitch: Weasley???

  
  
Itch-in-Bitch: WEASLEY STOP IGNORING ME RIGHT NOW!!!

 

Luscious Lion: I’m sorry. Who is this? New phone.

 

Itch-in-Bitch: Nice...find a backbone in one of the many car crashes you inevitably caused tonight, did we?

 

Luscious Lion: Find a conscience tonight when you didn’t hear back from me? I’ve avoided a few ‘fender benders’ if you know what I mean. ;)

 

Itch-in-Bitch: I have literally no idea why I put up with you.

 

Luscious Lion: For the same reasons I put up with you. Can’t resist my charms.

 

Itch-in-Bitch: You do not ‘put up’ with me Weasley. Where are your manners? You’re so rude.

 

Luscious Lion: Ha! Says you. I’ve never met a more needy witch in my life.

 

Luscious Lion: Let me rephrase that. I’ve never met someone so in need of attention only to discard it once she has it. You’re bloody exhausting.

 

Itch-in-Bitch: Okay, first of all, I’m going to get you for that later. Secondly, you’ve never complained about how much I...exhaust you before...Ron.

 

Luscious Lion: You say later like I’ll be joining you after the pub.

 

Luscious Lion: It’s hard to complain about something when you’re out of breath, btw.

 

Luscious Lion: Wait hang on. I’m screenshotting this.

 

Itch-in-Bitch: It takes less than 2 seconds to screenshot something…

 

Itch-in-Bitch: You mean to say that you don’t want to see me, Weasley...not even in THE stockings, you know the ones…

 

Luscious Lion: I know what you’re doing.  It’s not going to work. I don’t care how bloody hot you are in THE stockings.

 

Luscious Lion: And I know it takes 2 seconds. I was making a point. Keep up, Parkinson!

 

Luscious Lion: ….so about the stockings…

 

[ _Itch-in-Bitch_ sends a picture message]

 

Itch-in-Bitch: What, these old things, you mean?

 

Luscious Lion: Bloody hell, woman.

 

Luscious Lion: How did you even manage that angle?!?!

 

Itch-in-Bitch: *Sigh* So, you’re at the Three Broomsticks now?

 

Luscious Lion: Parkinson, I can be wherever the fuck you want me to be.

 

Itch-in-Bitch: And order is restored. I can be there in twenty. Meet me at the door?

 

Luscious Lion: Wait. You’re coming here? To be with me. In public?

 

Luscious Lion: What happened to the “you’re embarrassing bc” list?

 

Itch-in-Bitch: Nothing ‘happened’ to it. It still very much exists.

 

Itch-in-Bitch: But.

 

Itch-in-Bitch: There’s another list.

 

Itch-in-Bitch: An opposite list...I’ll tell you it one day...

 

Itch-in-Bitch: Ugh. Forget I said that. I’ll see you soon. Stop badgering me.

 

Luscious Lion: Badger? Me? Never.  I am many things, Parkinson, but I’d be LION if I said I was a nagger.

 

Luscious Lion: That’s your bit.

 

Luscious Lion: I get to kiss you right? When you get here?

 

Luscious Lion: I mean, if you want.

 

Itch-in-Bitch: That pun was horrendous, you should be ashamed. I’m not sure if after it you deserve any sort of kissing privileges.

 

Luscious Lion: Confession bc I’ve had enough to drink at this point to admit it. I like puns. I like saying puns. I like saying puns to you bc I like you.

 

[ _Luscious Lion_ changed Itch-in-Bitch’s nickname to  Princess Perfect]

 

Luscious Lion: See what I did there? I’m practically a poet.

 

Princess Perfect: Merlin.

 

Princess Perfect: It’s going to be a long night. Order me a drink now.

 

Princess Perfect: I’m on my way. Please tell me Granger isn’t there.

 

Luscious Lion: That’s funny. She said something similar about you when I got here.

 

Luscious Lion: Also, yeah. She’s here.

 

Princess Perfect: Fantastic.

 

Princess Perfect: This better be worth it.

 

Princess Perfect: I’ll be a few minutes.

 

Luscious Lion: Oh I’ll make it worth your while if you know what I mean. ;)

 

Luscious Lion: You know, would it kill you to at least pretend to get along with her? She’s almost as snarky as you are.

 

Luscious Lion: Almost.

 

Luscious Lion: Just don’t gang up on me like you did last time! I’m still trying to recover from that.

 

Princess Perfect: Everyone in Britain knows what you mean, you’re as subtle as a hippogriff is at giving a backhanded insult.

 

Princess Perfect: And what do you take me for? I was raised to be a polite and well mannered witch, I’ll have you know...I didn’t grow up in a barn.

 

Princess Perfect: Last time wasn’t that bad, you’re being dramatic...again.

 

Luscious Lion: Wasn’t that bad? You two went back and forth, quite loudly I might add, comparing stories about my “kissing pattern”

 

Luscious Lion: I didn’t even realise I had a kissing pattern?? Why would you even feel that needed to be expressed? I’m forever known among the guys now as “Whisky Weasley”

 

Luscious Lion: It’s bloody embarrassing is what it is.

 

Luscious Lion: Where are you?

 

Princess Perfect: I forgot about that...

 

[ _Princess Perfect_ changed Luscious Lion’s nickname to  Whisky Weasley  ]

 

Princess Perfect: Also, now you know how I feel every time you embarrass me...we’re even. Sort of.

 

Princess Perfect: Not really, you’re far more embarrassing.

 

Princess Perfect: Turn around (;

 

Whisky Weasley: Hi :)

 

Whisky Weasley: You look so pretty

 

Princess Perfect: Weasley?

 

Whisky Weasley: Kiss me and I’ll stop.

 

Princess Perfect: Okay…


End file.
